Hello my lovely readers,
I figured since this was a random blog, I would finally do something most bloggers do…open up to my readers. Yes, I feel like it’s time to open up to all….5 of you haha. (Just kidding, I love each and every one of you!)
Now as many of you know, I am currently in a relationship. (If you couldn’t tell by my last 2 posts.) Normally, I am doing nothing but raving about my boyfriend. I think he’s a wonderful guy with a lot of qualities I admire in not only males but people in general. But I feel like even wonderful has a limit.
This week, his brother is visiting from Boston. Ok before you all jump down my throat about this, hear me out please. I understand that “couple” time will be drastically reduced. Especially since, his brother is visiting from out-of-town and he started work this week (he’s a teacher.) So, between juggling work and going fishing as much as possible with his brother there is very little time left for me. I honestly can’t say I’m enthralled by this prospect, but I do understand it. He is incredibly close to his brother and I also like seeing how happy he is around his brother. I think it’s wonderful that they are so close.
It’s just…lately…whenever I talk to him I find myself less….enthralled than normal to talk to him. I’m not mad, just more apathetic. It doesn’t really matter to me if he calls or texts me. In fact, since his brother came we have exchanged a total of 5 text messages over the span of 6 days. At first I was annoyed, and then a little jealous and mad…but all of that melted away. Now, I feel almost like it’s out of routine or obligation that I text him in the morning or pick up his phone call at night (if he calls.) He tells me he loves me and still talks to me like normal. But I find myself really…just checking out. I say it back almost mechanically. Is my jealousy getting so vast I can’t even think clearly beyond it? I’m not sure.
Now the confusing part is, I know that I still care for him. I feel horrible that I don’t really care if we talk. The first two days were hard but after that it was life like normal. I know he feels bad for putting me on the back burner while his brother is in town. I know that he is trying his best to ensure that I don’t feel neglected. It’s hard, I understand. But I almost feel like telling him if it’s so hard don’t worry about me at all. Don’t bother calling because I hate the feeling that I’m forcing myself to talk to him because I feel like I should. I might just be being petty about the whole thing. I might just be immature. I’m not sure. All I know is…I feel nothing. Not good nor bad.
Should I just say that it’s the first time I’ve dealt with something like this and I’m just learning how to deal with it? that it will pass? or it is showing me something about myself I should pay attention to? I guess I feel like opening up to you guys about this will help shed some light on it.
Thanks for reading and letting me vent. I promise the next entry won’t be so heavy.