Today I wanted to write about something that has really been bothering me for a while.
So, a YouTube personality I enjoy watching had put up a video about Second chances. In the video, he berated the numerous females that give their significant other a “second chance” but continually hold the wrong doing (usually cheating) against their significant other. He says in a second chance it should be a clean slate and let the past stay in the past. That women shouldn’t bring up the event that caused the need for a second a chance.
I have to say this is total crap. Utter crap. Don’t get me wrong, I still adore this person and watch his videos all the time. But I think this is the single dumbest thing he has ever posted in a video. In my opinion, giving someone a second chance does not automatically erase what they did. If I love someone, I would never cheat on him. If I respect someone, I would never cheat on him. If I cared at all for someone and wanted him in my life, I would not cheat on him. Cheating in itself is wrong. You cannot claim, “oh I love you” after smearing that person with dirt and spitting on his/her face by betraying his/her trust in you to sleep with someone else (Or kiss or flirt or whatever it is you deem cheating.)
But that being said, if I do get cheated on I will feel pain. Lots of pain. From the betrayal, from the feeling of not being good enough, from my own insecurities going haywire in my head. But if I can look past all this and still believe I can be with this person…well there is no way in hell I can start from a clean slate. I can SAY it, but that isn’t the case. The past cannot be undone and because of that, I cannot change my emotions or the scars it will eventually leave. My mentality and views of relationships will permanently shift (maybe not extremes but it will shift slightly.) I cannot simply repress the pain and put on a smile because “hey I gave this person a second chance…a chance to start over.” No. There is no starting over (PS-I desperately want to cuss up a storm right now…so please excuse any slip ups.) A second chance is not starting from scratch all over again, blindly giving your trust to someone who obviously didn’t and still doesn’t deserve it.
In my eyes, a second chance is the chance to prove you deserve to be trusted. If you fucking cheat on someone, expect to wallow in mud before rising to even ground again. You dug yourself into a pretty deep hole, it will take time to climb out. Don’t expect it to be easy, don’t expect it to be quick, and damn don’t expect any help from the person you betrayed. He/She has already given you a HUGE opportunity by even letting you climb out of the hole you dug yourself into. If I give a guy who cheated on me a second chance, I am not going to be nice. I am not going to just “trust him” and start over. I didn’t trust him when we first started dating, he had to gain my trust. Now he has to gain it back again, this time without the benefit of doubt. Every move he makes will be scrutinized by me. Every word he says will be taken with a grain of salt. Every thing he tells me will be considered a lie until shown otherwise. Hell, he lied to my face before-what is going to stop him from doing it again?
If he can’t handle this, the door is easy to find. I wasn’t the one that messed up. So, I won’t feel bad for not trusting him. If he thinks I’m going overboard he should have thought about that before he messed around behind my back. I honestly don’t care what his excuse for his actions are-nothing will change the fact that he thought about what could happen if he got caught, processed it, and decided eff it he’ll screw around anyways. If he can put that much thought into the consequences, then he can deal with them when it comes up. And if those consequences include me being paranoid, well he better learn to deal with that if he “truly loves me.” (But then again true love wouldn’t cheat in the first place right? Now I’m just arguing in circles…Haha.)
Woo…I feel better. Thank you for listening to my rant.
Merry Christmas Everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful one spent surrounded by people you love. I love you all!